My little firegal

My little firegal

don't worry people, my last entry is not a suicide note. just feeling fustrated and uptight about the daily things around me...must be PMS lah...but after looking at the photos above, i guess i don't mind to suffer under her hands... hahaha...

What's life??

I am so tired of living my life
so tired of being a mother and a wife
so tired of scolding my child and quarrel with my spouse
every minute and every single day
I just want to walk out with no worries on my head
To a place where I can relax and live alone

These days, Eili is really getting out of hand. She’s really testing my patience which I had little left, every taurean had limited patience and we snap at every single things. She’s refusing instructions and causing me to lose my appetite every dinner time. Yes no doubt she’s cranky after school but to make her finish her dinner without any drama every day is impossible. I have to bring out the cane to make sure she don’t spill the rice, she don’t hit the bowl with spoon, she don’t gag her food out (which she did on purpose), she don’t walk around the house before she finished her dinner or sing/talk when she’s eating. Grrrrr...Maybe I should just let her be, let her play with the food, walk away from the table after a spoonful of rice.....Maybe.... Rushing home to cook after work is already draining me and to further deal with a cranky kid at home…sigh…

Then that’s this bigger kid of mine who is after 12 years still driving me nuts and driving me up the wall, not the good way though. He has become argumentative and is not showering me with any emotional support. Where’s the thoughtful and sweet guy I know?? It’s seems he must win or argue in every talking session we had and this is making me so lazy to even strike a conversation with him at times. And there are topics of housechores too and I don’t even need to elaborate further on that. I guess life will be much easier if we have better financial support probably will lessen arguments during certain topics. I am just like any other woman, I need constant hugs, constant assurance, constant care and attention OR am I too demanding??? If I am demanding, I’ll probably ask for a SUV car, a highrise condo, a $1000 monthly allowance, a 3 carat diamond etc. So I guess I am reasonable right?

Sigh…maybe it’s e pills I am taking that are making affecting my hormones. Turning me into a bubbly person this sec and a temperamental person another sec. I really felt like leaving everything behind, go into hiding and not think of my kid’s development, financial problem or relationship problems. Just only ME, ME and ME!

God bless him...

UPDATE::MSG FM SISTER

Dunno if u remember E, my frd who's the manager of xxxx.... He was attacked on Sunday morning by a bunch of guys at Clarke Quay. According to 2 bouncers of 1 pub, he was bashed by 4-5 men, and surrounded by another 10+ men. His other guy frd, who came out from the toilet in the pub, was attacked by a bunch of women.

The latter was ok, outpatient injury but Eugene is now brain dead at SGH... hanging to his dear life right now. Technically he's dead... but supported by life support machine.

However, by today, the hospital will remove the machine as they needed his organs for donations... I was there since yday noon, left at midnight. Now Tuesday morning, and going over soon to walk his last journey with him. At the end of the day, we heard that the attackers were probably Thai instead of malays as they were at a Thai pub. ... So sad...

E is 1 of our close frds, whom we are inviting for our ROM but he will not be going...

::Rest in peace E::

+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_

Received a sms from my 3rd sister just now, her friend has been attacked by a group malay guys at Clarke Quay this morning. 4 men against 1 and now her friend is lying on the hospital bed unconsicious, brain dead and his life is depending on the life support machine.

What are these people thinking??? Yes you may say that you attacked under the influence of alcohol, you are being intoxicated BUT that's doesn't give you a reason to rob another person's life!!! If you do not appreciate your life, go ahead and rot at one corner and DO NOT go around and hantam that person till he's brain dead. Do you know what brain dead means??? This mean that the person is dead and his organs are supported by the waves transmitted from the support machine, you STUPID FEAKING MORONS!

Though I might not know him but a life is a life after all. A gift by the creator of this world to the parents. Can you imagine how upset/devasting it must have be to his parents, friends and relatives????? To walk on the street and being attacked for no reason whatsoever!! The worst is when those coward bypassers who care for their life more than to lend a helping hair. There are some security guards and 10 people who surrounded them and witnessed the incident but don't dare to interferre, WTF!!! then why be a security guard if you can't break out a fight???? Go and be a wimp!!

Now I just hope the police will work fast and captured those who are responsible and send them to the gallows.

E, my prayers and thoughts are with you.

weekend at one look

Aiz..when I went home last friday, I saw a handyplast on Eili's arm. So I asked her "what happened" and she told me "Phoebe bite me". Usually when she says that, I'll interrogate her to make sure what she said is true as you know kiddos her age will remember 1 incident and repeat the same story weeks after weeks.

I peeled open the handyplast and saw 3 teethmarks and the area around the teethmark are swollen. She refused to say why her friend bit her so I took her school bag and read the communication book (between teacher/parents). Indeed, Phoebe did bit her accordingly to the teacher but it's also because my little gal took away her friend's spoon during the cookery session. Instead of pitying her, I gave her a little lecture because she started this incident. I don't want to raise my kid thinking that they have no fault at all and they must learn why other people behave such way towards them. Spoiling them is not in my dictonary of rearing a child. As usual lah, kids will be kids, today lecture tomorrow forget.

Oh we went cycling at PP yesterday, yup after weeks of talking about it. We reached there around 5.30pm and rented 2 bicycles with a child seat on 1 bike. It's was fun and most importantly my little princess enjoyed the ride. We cycled from PP all the way to downtown east, grab a bite at BK before cycled back to the bicycle kiosk. Now, Hub is thinking of buying our bikes since he said the rental for the bicycles are so expensive $5-6 per hour so may as well buy and we can use it anytime we want. ...... ah.... nvm lah, we rent better lah....

Lucky U!

I can't no longer access Multiply (my other active blog) in office. The geeks have blocked it and to that Blogger is lucky as I'll convert my attention to them now instead. More of my entries will be posted here unless I deem I need extra privacy which I'll post them at MP at night.

Sigh..it'll take me many days before I am used to this transition...grrr....

Now, I shall make use of the time to source for a new skin for this blog. Am getting tired of this....BEHOLD FOR NEW CHANGE!

Goodbye Garfield

Dear Garfield,

Nobody can understand how I really feel about losing you, how much I really luv you or how much I really care and think about you. Even I left home 5 years ago, I have never stopped caring for you.

10 over years ago. you started my interest in cats making me learn to love an animal like my own child. Because of you, I started to understand and sympathise a stray cat and understand how to deal with a non-cat lover. Like a true pet owner, I started to buy litterbox, toys, cat nips and bring you and Ah Meow for sterilisation and vaccination. Even with the additional of 3 cats later, you are still one of my favourite prince because you are special and unusual:

- You curl up like a prawn when you sleep

- You like to sit like a ah pek with your legs open widely.

- You are never interested in our food but you like to eat durian while the rest of the cats flee for their life.

- You prefer dry food than wet food and sometimes you rather eat Jackie’s biscuits.

- You were once catnapped by the boys staying above our unit and was missing for 1 whole day BUT you managed to escaped with a green nylon rope on your neck.

- You always wanted to run out of the house whenever there’s a chance. So I let you out when I realised that you are able to return after a few hours.

- Whenever you forgotten to return home, I would go and search for you with a cane. Not to cane you but to rattle it against the stair railing and this sound will attract your attention. Before i can even see you, I can already hear the tingling bell on your collar.

- There’s one night when I can’t find you even after hours of looking for you, we walk down from floor to floor and even went to the opposite block but still unable to find you. Was about to give up hope when I saw you sitting on the drain rail in the dark behind the block. You responded with a meow when you saw me and I couldn’t stop crying when I saw your hind leg got stuck on the rail. After sending you to the hospital, the veterinarian said that you had a deep cut on your chin (probably a fight with a tomcat) and a fractured thigh (probably a knock from a reversing car).

- You lost weight after the accident and didn’t gain any back even after years later. You are the reigning king of the house UNTIL a stray tomcat came up to our unit and causes a fight between you and Browny. After that incident, we have to separate the both of you as Browny are still chasing and attacking you.

- You are the coolest cat on the block, unless you are in a good mood if not you’ll never respond when we call for you.

- You like to walk like a model on the parapet which almost give me a heart attack as we are staying on the 10th floor BUT you’ll shiver when I carry you near the parapet.

- You rather drink your water at the big basin in the bathroom than the bowl that was allocated to you in the kitchen.

- You won the Best Tail Award at the Cat Show and the ang moh Judge said that this is first time he had seen such a special tail.

- You competed with 100 cats (including pedigrees) and won the 10th place during the Annual Cat Show and we have to bring home 2 heavy hampers home that day.

I can’t stop feeling guilty towards you, guilty of leaving you, guilty of not putting more attention on you, guilty of not visiting you often..guilt...guilt…guilt…My heart has been pulled down by the anchor of guilt. I still can’t forgive myself to see you going off in that condition and putting you in the hospital for a week. I know you hate staying there especially when the nurses kept poking with needles till your hands swell and the constant barking of the dogs. When the doc diagnosed that all your organs are failing and you are not responding to the new medicines, we knew there’re not much hope left but I remained optimistic. We all cried ourselves to sleep and begging God to take you out of suffering. The last thing we want is to see you suffer and struggle to breathe.

The night before you left, you looked alert. When I carried you, you struggled to lift up your head and tries to adjust into a comfortable position. I thought, there’s some hope…although a part of me is still not too sure. I should have stay with you but I kept thinking you are looking better and probably are reacting well to the medicines. Until 6 am on 11 April 2007, you took your last breathe while sleeping with Mummy. Even on the way to Mummy’s hse, I can’t stop holding back my tears in the train because it’s has really happened. You…have left us…..Holding your body for the last time, memories of you kept flooding my mind. I hold your body close to mine and kissing you until the nurse took you away forever.

Losing you is a great loss and painful for us but seeing you in this condition, we are happy that you are no longer suffering. At least now you are in a better & bigger place than before, with Allah and His angels. I’ll not cry for your loss anymore but will be crying because I know you are happier now….

I love you..

Missing you badly…

Dear Diary..

I have no mood to blog, no mood to work as I have focused all my energy and tears on my dying cat but I have vent it somewhere. I am so tired…emotionally and mentally….My cat of 10 over years..sigh…It was on the day after my last entry that the doc informed me that my cat had organs failure i.e. his kidney, liver and gall bladder are not working well and he could be on medication for life.

Although sad but at least he can still live on with medication, I felt that’s a consolation to me. A day later, the doc told me that he’s not responding to the medication and she’ll try out another new medication. After 6 days in hospital and endless days of being on drip, we decided to bring him home. His organs are still not responding to the new medication and he had a seizure on yesterday which means the final sign of his survival. Rather than putting him at the small cage at the hospital, we thought he’ll happier to spend his last moments at home. All of us couldn’t stop thinking about him, sleep well or eat well ever since last week. To see him limp and weak, with no energy to even wag his tail is really too much for us to handle.

We know he’s suffering and tired but we refused to end his life with an injection. We just can’t do it. Now he’s at home taking his every breathe slower and is still refusing to eat or drink. We are just sitting around waiting for God to bring him back. I try not to think so much when I get choke on my tears on how much guilt I have accumulate for not taking care of you and giving you the best a pet should receive. There are so much more I should have done earlier…

Garfield, if you are tired and painful…
Just close your eyes and go…
Don’t worry about us, we can cope…
We love you and will never forget the happiness you gave us…
God will take you when you belongs…
In His loving care and better home than now…
Until the day we meet again…
I am sorry if I didn’t take care of you well…
Please forgive me…

nothing much

geez stupid blogger, 2 paragraphs of entry just disappeared like that.

anyway, i hv been very lazy these days to update this blog and there are tons of photos i have yet to post. I hv posted all in multiply and unless you are under my contact, if not, it's as good as not reading this. Wakaka...

Sigh..the 3rd month of the year just passed us like a cloud on a windy day. Soon we'll be approaching the mid-year of 2007 and the highlights of this year are definitely the GST hike. SHITZ 2% are not a tiny amount if the product you are purchasing are in thousands. Imagine if the product is $1000 and the additional GST you have to fork out is $20!! You can use that amount for delivery of your product!!! Sigh...now i just hope that LV won't increase the school fees. Already I'm struggling to pay her $490 school fees every month!

Few events are going on now, a new _____ this month (keeping this as a suspense) and hub might be going away for a few months. My cat has been hospitalised and the doc hv not find out what's wrong with him. Plus we are watching Phantom this week. So you see, quite an unusual and busy month!