i still miss you

i dreamt of Garfield last night...i can't remember the details but i felt warm and happy in my dreams....holding and cradling him...smelling his stinky paws and cold nose...

i wish it's wasn't a dream at all...and i hate waking up after that...

Goodbye, for now

The news i dreaded most came through this morning, Ah Meow has passed on peacefully last night at 8pm.

Everyone will say it's ok that she has gone peacefully, she has stayed with us long enough or she's just a cat etc. It's never that kind of questions that will make me cry for them, i just felt that they are not loved much enough and live the life they should deserve.

I still regret leaving the house with my belongings when i got married 7 years ago, it's like abandoning your kids and yet i can't bring them (4 to be exact) with me as Hub had a terrible sensitive nose. Till now he still get sinus and bad flu whenever he steps in to my mum's place.

Only God knows how heavy my guilt is and how much i love them. Caging them at home alone does not mean love. If i have the ability, i'll give them a better life.

I'm the only person who initiated the vaccination jabs, bathe them, clean their ears, cut their nails, gave them supplements with Omega 3 oil, fed them with chicken breast. But all these actions are still not enough to cure the guilt i had it for years. Everytime after visiting them, my heart weighed heavily...

********************

Ah Meow

I am sorry that i can't be with you when you left.

You know how much all these mean to me.

Thank you for the joy all these years. Thank you for accompanying me while i finished my shorthand homework and by sleeping on my textbooks. Thank you for sleeping close to me on my pillow when i'm alone in the house. Thank you for being the only cat who will settle your 'business' in the toilet.

Thank you for your unique character and your constant requests for us to pat you hard on your back (so sadist right), i remember how you luv it when i pat it hard, sometimes a little too hard and you will give me a warning bite. Ouch!! I still love you even with your obessive licking and throwing out fur ball in the end. These are the memories that make me laugh and cry when i sat in my kitchen looking at your photo yesterday.

Thank you for changing my mind on cats and realising the best things about loving a pet. i hope i have done it with you. i'll treasure all the good memories we have. I hope God will put you in his safe arms at his paradise and i'm sure we'll meet again one day. In the meantime, please keep the rest of the clan safe and healthy.

I miss you, Jackie & Garfield. How i wish i'm back to the days when we first met, first played, first kissed........

The weird thing about human is that they regret only after the joy that has been taken from them...and they never learn.....

Luv, jie

********************

Garfield - one month later

/*Garfield - one month later*/

It has been a month since you left us and the pain of losing still lingers around. It's doesn't matter if you have been for a month or a year, we can never get over the fact that you are gone. Last night, jie jie and us are talking about you and your manja-ness, it's nice remembering the time we spent together smelling your feet, kissing your cold wet nose and fiddling with your whiskers. It's easier now to talk about you but we are still feeling the heavy heart feeling, it's was as if someone throw a bottle of acid on our hearts. The sad part is that you probably will still be here if not for mummy's rash decision on your health.

You left a huge impact on our hearts~

Goodbye Garfield

Dear Garfield,

Nobody can understand how I really feel about losing you, how much I really luv you or how much I really care and think about you. Even I left home 5 years ago, I have never stopped caring for you.

10 over years ago. you started my interest in cats making me learn to love an animal like my own child. Because of you, I started to understand and sympathise a stray cat and understand how to deal with a non-cat lover. Like a true pet owner, I started to buy litterbox, toys, cat nips and bring you and Ah Meow for sterilisation and vaccination. Even with the additional of 3 cats later, you are still one of my favourite prince because you are special and unusual:

- You curl up like a prawn when you sleep

- You like to sit like a ah pek with your legs open widely.

- You are never interested in our food but you like to eat durian while the rest of the cats flee for their life.

- You prefer dry food than wet food and sometimes you rather eat Jackie’s biscuits.

- You were once catnapped by the boys staying above our unit and was missing for 1 whole day BUT you managed to escaped with a green nylon rope on your neck.

- You always wanted to run out of the house whenever there’s a chance. So I let you out when I realised that you are able to return after a few hours.

- Whenever you forgotten to return home, I would go and search for you with a cane. Not to cane you but to rattle it against the stair railing and this sound will attract your attention. Before i can even see you, I can already hear the tingling bell on your collar.

- There’s one night when I can’t find you even after hours of looking for you, we walk down from floor to floor and even went to the opposite block but still unable to find you. Was about to give up hope when I saw you sitting on the drain rail in the dark behind the block. You responded with a meow when you saw me and I couldn’t stop crying when I saw your hind leg got stuck on the rail. After sending you to the hospital, the veterinarian said that you had a deep cut on your chin (probably a fight with a tomcat) and a fractured thigh (probably a knock from a reversing car).

- You lost weight after the accident and didn’t gain any back even after years later. You are the reigning king of the house UNTIL a stray tomcat came up to our unit and causes a fight between you and Browny. After that incident, we have to separate the both of you as Browny are still chasing and attacking you.

- You are the coolest cat on the block, unless you are in a good mood if not you’ll never respond when we call for you.

- You like to walk like a model on the parapet which almost give me a heart attack as we are staying on the 10th floor BUT you’ll shiver when I carry you near the parapet.

- You rather drink your water at the big basin in the bathroom than the bowl that was allocated to you in the kitchen.

- You won the Best Tail Award at the Cat Show and the ang moh Judge said that this is first time he had seen such a special tail.

- You competed with 100 cats (including pedigrees) and won the 10th place during the Annual Cat Show and we have to bring home 2 heavy hampers home that day.

I can’t stop feeling guilty towards you, guilty of leaving you, guilty of not putting more attention on you, guilty of not visiting you often..guilt...guilt…guilt…My heart has been pulled down by the anchor of guilt. I still can’t forgive myself to see you going off in that condition and putting you in the hospital for a week. I know you hate staying there especially when the nurses kept poking with needles till your hands swell and the constant barking of the dogs. When the doc diagnosed that all your organs are failing and you are not responding to the new medicines, we knew there’re not much hope left but I remained optimistic. We all cried ourselves to sleep and begging God to take you out of suffering. The last thing we want is to see you suffer and struggle to breathe.

The night before you left, you looked alert. When I carried you, you struggled to lift up your head and tries to adjust into a comfortable position. I thought, there’s some hope…although a part of me is still not too sure. I should have stay with you but I kept thinking you are looking better and probably are reacting well to the medicines. Until 6 am on 11 April 2007, you took your last breathe while sleeping with Mummy. Even on the way to Mummy’s hse, I can’t stop holding back my tears in the train because it’s has really happened. You…have left us…..Holding your body for the last time, memories of you kept flooding my mind. I hold your body close to mine and kissing you until the nurse took you away forever.

Losing you is a great loss and painful for us but seeing you in this condition, we are happy that you are no longer suffering. At least now you are in a better & bigger place than before, with Allah and His angels. I’ll not cry for your loss anymore but will be crying because I know you are happier now….

I love you..

Missing you badly…