Dear Diary..

I have no mood to blog, no mood to work as I have focused all my energy and tears on my dying cat but I have vent it somewhere. I am so tired…emotionally and mentally….My cat of 10 over years..sigh…It was on the day after my last entry that the doc informed me that my cat had organs failure i.e. his kidney, liver and gall bladder are not working well and he could be on medication for life.

Although sad but at least he can still live on with medication, I felt that’s a consolation to me. A day later, the doc told me that he’s not responding to the medication and she’ll try out another new medication. After 6 days in hospital and endless days of being on drip, we decided to bring him home. His organs are still not responding to the new medication and he had a seizure on yesterday which means the final sign of his survival. Rather than putting him at the small cage at the hospital, we thought he’ll happier to spend his last moments at home. All of us couldn’t stop thinking about him, sleep well or eat well ever since last week. To see him limp and weak, with no energy to even wag his tail is really too much for us to handle.

We know he’s suffering and tired but we refused to end his life with an injection. We just can’t do it. Now he’s at home taking his every breathe slower and is still refusing to eat or drink. We are just sitting around waiting for God to bring him back. I try not to think so much when I get choke on my tears on how much guilt I have accumulate for not taking care of you and giving you the best a pet should receive. There are so much more I should have done earlier…

Garfield, if you are tired and painful…
Just close your eyes and go…
Don’t worry about us, we can cope…
We love you and will never forget the happiness you gave us…
God will take you when you belongs…
In His loving care and better home than now…
Until the day we meet again…
I am sorry if I didn’t take care of you well…
Please forgive me…