if i can turn back the clock

sometimes i imagine what will happen to me if i didn't get married at 23, didn't become a mum at 26, what will i achieve??? I dated my husband since i was 17, even though after dated for 6 years and worked for 3 years i decided to take the plunge. WHY? I can't wait to get out of the 1 room flat house which i shared with my siblings, 5 cats and 1 nonsensical mum. I longed for my own freedom, own house and love from my husband. Maybe things will be better if i waited a little longer. Not that i married a Mr Bad but just that sometimes you wish things can be a little different.

looking at the youngsters these days, how much i admired their energy. Their energy with their galfriends, CCA and school work and wish i had that determination too...back then My eldest sister ever said to me that despite our broken family background, we didn't turned out that bad.

Well yes and no...we didn't became ah lians or hostess but in terms of academical wise, we can achieve better. I remembered not pushing myself hard enough for O levels as i was hating the bias treatment that teachers gave towards express and normal stream. Just because we failed to be in the 4 year study stream we are no better than them??? Plus during our time, we didn't have any school revision remedial whatever crap. You study on yr own!! I remembered this stupid skinny moron teacher, MARY CHUA, who is the form teacher for a express class was taking over our class as English teacher. She strolled in and gave us worksheets and sat there flipping her newspapers! Hello...we are battling the O levels in few months time and she can't even be bothered with us. We had an argument with her and she walked out of the class crying. Serves her right!!! That's why i always tell people, a good school does link with good results but hv to depend what kind of crap teachers you will get. Luckily i passed my English well. BIATCH!

Back home, staying with my grandma, uncle, stepmother like aunty and a spoilt cousin aren't the best thing. Nobody was supervising my school results (i have never pass my maths except during N levels), nobody thinks i need a tuition teacher and i was pouring between the pages of my book alone on the dining table. Oh i did have some tutition with my U grad cousin for a couple of months but the interest wasn't there anymore. Too late too bad...Somehow, i felt lonely without a proper family. Guess i was waiting for some affection that never happen. No love from parents, no fighting with my sisters, no family talk. Always felt in the way at my uncle's house, only a motherly love from my grandmother. She's the only reason why i still live on.

if time can be turned back....

i wish i can have more fun with my galfriends

i wish i can be more positive of my life

i wish i can strive to have a better educational life

i wish i can do more stuffs before i meet my Mr Right

i wish i wish....

BUT at least i have a loving husband, a talkative and beautiful child, a home that i called my own, a job that pays well....i have to be a little bit contented.